Tales from the Classroom

So in honor of my observation, today I will entertain you faithful readers with a story of my simultaneously delightful and disturbing students.

The 8th grade is undeniably entertaining, in particular. The students are at that great age where the boys are still scrawny and four feet tall but the girls look like teenagers. So the boys are incredibly obnoxious to make up for it.
Among my favorites is a boy whom we shall call J. In a harried moment when he was bugging me, ("MISS KELSEY! MISS KELSEY!") I said, "Dude. You need to calm down, I'll help you in a minute." His mouth dropped open and his eyes got all wide, "Did you just call me dude?" Naturally, he was thrilled and started bouncing up and down.
"Are you from California?"
"No, I'm from New Jersey."
"Do they say dude in New Jersey?"
"Yes."
"Is it because there are beaches in New Jersey?"
"Sure, why not."
"Cool, dude!"
Ever since then I have been referred to as "Miss Dude."

My students also have a hard time with English from time to time, which is also hilarious. I nearly had a heart attack though, when this same kid came up to me during clean up and was like, "Miss Kelsey, I need you to...um..." and he turned to his friend to ask how to say something.
"I need you to testicle..." I froze for a second, not equipped to deal with what might come out of his mouth next.
"I need you to testicle that I put this pencil and eraser away."
(Sigh.)
"J, do you mean testify? As in vouch?"
"Yes, I need you to testify that I put this pencil away, Miss P thinks I steal them."
"No problem, dude."
He and his friend were completely nonplussed, having no idea in the error of their words, thank god.
But it's amazing how they take one word and run with it for weeks. Apparently his super hero for the next project is going to be "Super Dude" in my honor.

I'm supposed to be writing supplemental "motivational dialogues" for the lessons that I taught today. It's nerve wracking being observed, I wasn't being myself and my students picked up on that. 8th grade was thrown by my supervisor being in the classroom.
Somehow a rumor got started that she was an inspector from the International Baccalaureate committee. The IB is a curriculum and certification program for international schools, that essentially makes them stronger and more competitive. Our school is planning on adapting it but first has to go through a certification-type process that involves people coming to evaluate the school and the students.
Since they were just sculpting models in plasticine for their figures, they were bored and hissing at me, "Miss Kelsey! Why would you give us this kind of project when the IB inspector is here?! Now we will never get the IB!! This is boring, she'll think we're stupid."
Thanks, guys, I only spent like six hours writing this lesson.
So I finally told them to cool it, she was there to grade me, not them. Bad idea. That strategy has worked for me in the past - telling students that they better behave because I'm getting graded too. Not with this group. They thought it was hilarious and start yelling,
"THANKS MISS KELSEY! YOU SURE ARE A GREAT TEACHER!"
"I AM LEARNING SO MUCH BY SCULPTING OVER HERE, MISS KELSEY!"
"GEE, MISS KELSEY, THIS ASSIGNMENT IS REALLY FUN."

Whoever said the kids don't get sarcasm because they're ESL clearly thinks his or her students really, really like him or her. And as much as the students can drive me up the wall, I love teaching. I love hearing "Hi, Miss Kelsey!" in the hallway. I love being able to commiserate with the other teachers here, who are incredibly supportive and interesting to talk to. And I'm not going to lie, I still feel super cool for having access to the teacher's lounge. Especially the coffee machine.